Grendel

A Sci Fi Channel Original Movie.

Grendel is based on the epic poem Beowulf, composed sometime between the 7th and 10th centuries by nobody knows who, which has seen a surge of popularity in the last few years. I know of at least two recent theatrical movie treatments, one written by none other than the uber-cool Neil Gaiman. Last night we got to see the Sci Fi Channel's version.

The basic story involves Beowulf (Chris Bruno), the Badass Warrior Dude of his time, and his quest to rid the kingdom of King Hrothgar from Grendel, a monster who sneaks into Hrothgar's mead-halls when the warriors are all drunk and pulls their arms and legs off and eats them. Apparently he doesn't like to hear people having fun. So Beowulf, being a Badass Warrior Dude, goes to help out.

Ben Cross (Chariots of Fire, Dark Shadows), an old favorite of mine, appears as the aging King Hrothgar, and he looks damn good. In fact, he gives the best performance in the show, and looks hot doing it, and is the only reason I managed to watch this all the way through. He's a good actor, and seems to me to deserve a higher profile career than what he's had. Marina Sirtis (Star Trek: The Next Generation), however, as the insane Queen Wealhtheow, looks pretty ragged, but that could be more because of her character's craziness than anything else. For some reason they decided white-face makeup would be good to convey insanity. An odd choice, that. Grendel and his mother are mediocre CGI creations, and the fight scenes look like they came out of a video game. The script itself is stilted and uneven, and the performances in general either over the top (Sirtis), or wooden and dull (Bruno).

So while we wait for the Neil Gaiman version, currently in post-production, check out the original (available at about any bookstore, or as a free etext at gutenberg.org), or some rather better adaptations such as Eaters of the Dead by Michael Crichton (adapted into The 13th Warrior, starring Antonio Banderas), or Grendel by John Gardner.

The Lost Room

Tonight's two-hour intro sets up our premise. There are mysterious Objects spread throughout the world. Singly, they have magical powers. Some of these powers are cool, some deadly, others lame. There's a pencil that makes pennies, a nail file that puts people to sleep, a TV that makes you three inches taller if you tune to the right station, a pen that microwaves people, a watch that hard-boils eggs. And there's a secret cabal called the Legion gathering all the Objects to destroy them. Apparently there's also another secret cabal trying to collect them because supposedly if you have all of them you can see the mind of God.

The Object in play in the main plot is a motel room key that can open any door. When you use it, you end up in a particular hotel room, where supposedly some Very Bad Things happened. Upon leaving the room, you can apparently go wherever you want to go just by thinking about it. Our hero, Detective Joe Miller, comes into possession of this key. Unfortunately, in a run-in with the Bad Guys, who want the key, his daughter Anna disappears into the Very Bad Hotel Room. When the door is shut, the room resets itself, and things that are put into it disappear, including Anna. As if that alone wasn't dramatic enough, she disappears on the eve of a custody hearing with Miller's ex-wife.

Miller's quest of course becomes to regain his daughter. He encounters members of a sort of underground, all of whom have experienced the powers of the Objects. They suggest several plans for getting Anna back, all involving collecting certain Objects, including a Prime Object, a clock, that controls all the other objects. (One clock to rule them all?)

While I was intrigued enough by the premise to tune in, I found tonight's installment to be rather slow, and it didn't really hold my attention. Although things picked up a bit at the end, at this point I'm wondering how they're going to stretch this out for six hours. Peter Krause's forays into badassitude were unconvincing, and at times the seemingly promising premise became laughable. It's the kind of setup that could work really well in the hands of a Neil Gaiman or a Clive Barker, but this presentation is just missing that certain something that makes the viewer willing to suspend disbelief and go along for the ride.

And this really bugged me--Miller has a tiny little closet, and the door opens inwards. Why in the world would you have a door that opens inwards into a coat closet? That's just bad architecture.

The Lost Room

In the face of multiple reruns and hiatuses this week, I'm going to catch The Lost Room on Sci Fi starting Monday night. Starring Peter Krause (Six Feet Under, Sports Night) and Julianna Margulies (ER), as well as Dennis Christopher (Deadwood, Angel) and Kevin Pollack (Santa Clause 3), this miniseries looks pretty promising. Entertainment Weekly describes it as "Riven meets Lord of the Rings."

This week's TV Guide has a short article about the show, in which Julianna Margulies says, "I'd never heard of hte Sci Fi Channel when I was offered this role." Sorry, but I gotta wonder what rock she's been living under...